I recently turned the big 3-0. I feel like closing the door to my twenties and opening the one to my thirties was starting a whole new chapter to my life... an exciting, scary and thrilling new chapter.
I have always put a lot of pressure on myself to do whatever I am doing well. Whether it be work, motherhood or being a good friend and wife, I always strive to be the best I can possibly be. As Maya Angelou said, "Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better."
I put a lot of pressure on myself as I approached turning 30. I have a lot of beautiful things someone turning 30 would want: a husband, a son, and a beautiful home in Southern California, but when thinking about getting older and analyzing my life, I started to get a panicky feeling that I'm not doing all I should be. I always thought that at this point (by my thirties) I would have my dream job. Currently I'm a stay-at-home mom and don't get me wrong; being a mother to my amazing son, Finn, is one of the greatest gifts God could give me, but I don't feel it's fulfilling my soul as the career path of my dreams.
I am so lucky to get to spend every day watching him flourish and grow, but as he gets older and 'easier' I constantly question if I'm doing the right thing for my family and me by staying home. I have an urge to explore a career, not just a job, that I've always wanted. I want to be that girl... no, woman since I'm 30 now... that says, "I love what I do and I'm exactly where I should be." I can definitely say I love being a mom and I know I'm doing exactly what I should be at this moment, but I'm ready to take that next step: to start that new chapter of my life.
I've recently been told to do the thing that scares me most. Well, this would be it. I'm going to take a leap of faith and explore all options for what this next chapter of my life means for me. Maybe the year of 30 will be the year of me. Maybe after all that time striving to be the best and putting so much pressure on myself, I'll be grown up enough at 30 to let go, slow down, analyze what I really want and take the plunge into the unknown. Because life is short, and if there was ever a good time to do the thing that scares you most then 30 sounds like a great place to start.